Too Skinny.
With December in full swing. I thought I would share a narrative that is super prevalent in my lifestyle, eating disorder, and recovery. That is, how societies perceptions of us, shape our sense of self worth // The Looking Glass Self.
It was two years ago that I realized, I internalized the ways others viewed my body, my weight, my eating. Me.
“The term looking glass self. It is described as our reflection of how we think we appear to others. To further explain would be how oneself imagines how others view him/her.”
Two Years ago… I wrote:
"I have been wanting to write this post for a while now and never brought myself to it because I was scared of judgement. I have been feeling discouraged after a good year of hype. For the first time in a while I feel that I am plateauing at the gym and getting back to my old mindset. For this, I wanted to reiterate what fitness is really about. This post is mostly to remind myself and maybe you if you have ever felt this way.
Whether it’s someone telling you that you’re “too skinny”, “tiny”, “thin”, “fat”, or “out of shape”, they can’t see what you’re capable of. I have come to realize that our bodies are so unique and we all come from different genetic make ups. This is something I always knew but never truly tested. Some of us can lean out easier, some of us can bulk easier and often I see others envying genetics or not giving credit for this reason. I have been confused, frustrated and even felt discouraged. SO, the next time someone asks me if I have ate or tells me that I’m too thin, I am going to use it as fuel to drive me towards my goal. My ultimate goal is strength. Sadly, strength is not always aesthetically achievable through the lens that many see it through, we expect to see definition, muscle, yenno some of that “cut”. But, strength is really that moment when you hit an extra rep, hit that PR or even hit a killer drop set. Strength is feeling like you’re getting better, not looking better.
I have been on a fitness journey of ups and downs for about 3 years now. I don’t see what other people see and sometimes it drives me crazy because maybe I am “too skinny”, maybe I am doing it wrong, and wow maybe I really don’t eat enough (haha I defs try to). Yet, also, I really don’t give a shit because I can lift more at the gym today than I could when I was striving to get a model bod. AND, LASTLY, I DEFS EAT, THIS IS A FOOD BLOG PPL.”
written in my first ever food blog(made for recovery).
“In conclusion, I hope that you all do what feels right. Eat when you’re hungry, gym when you’re feelin’ it and rest when you need it. If you’re craving a salad, don’t feel weird about it. If you want a slice of pizza, hit that hard. If you’re sore, THAT’S A GOOD SIGN.
So, excuse me while I attempt to do a pull up.”
This post had received so much positive feedback and I was not surprised by the amount of people who could relate. Since then, I have not experienced any type of change in comments about my body, especially at occasions such as Christmas dinners and eating at restaurants. What has changed is my perspective and the way I let comments fuel me. I want everyone to know that it does not matter how much you eat in comparison to one another. Whatever your body may look like, it is okay to eat more, it is okay to eat less, it is even okay to not be hungry. Never apologize for the way you look and feel. If you are concerned about your weight or body image, do not struggle to restrict yourself. Enjoy the special occasions like Christmas and your birthday. I mean you can't not eat cake on your birthday and resist pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving am I right? Rather, focus on maintaining a healthy lifestyle, one that will make and keep you happy so that you can achieve your goals long term. This sounds simple, but it can be hard to hold yourself accountable and allow yourself indulge at times as we have been taught that it is a sign of weakness. I have finally learned that allowing yourself a treat and indulging actually shows maturity and strength. Hold yourself to your own standards and not others. Put yourself first.
with love,
Imran🤍
