A common misconception people have about models is that they are all confident. However, models often become subject to intense scrutiny. You are being measured all the time, compared to others, and constantly looked at by your appearance. Expectations become a norm and it is only human that many of us end up internalizing these expectations and begin to treat ourselves like projects. How do I make myself better? More desirable? Better? This definitely contributed to my eating disorder and created symptoms of body dysmorphia as I began to put myself under a microscope.

It is important to realize that YOU look at YOURSELF every day. So, if you are not seeing progress or what you want, it may be a result of exposure and obsessing with your mirror self. Yes, I am a Sociology student and I am going to reference my favourite Sociological Theory here: "The Looking-Glass Self" - Self-esteem can become dictated by a person’s predictions of how they'll be perceived by society... Charle's Horton Cooley was not wrong when he theorized why people often internalize the expectations of others. Your concept of self becomes constructed by how you think you are perceived by others. This is one of the best explanations I have and one of the biggest reasons I stopped modelling. I had to stop looking at myself through measurements, mirrors, and the eyes of society and bookers. I had to look inward.

After a 3 year hiatus, I felt strong, strong enough to tackle modelling and to embrace the beauties of it. Not all models are confident but not all models are insecure. The modelling industry can actually be quite intriguing, empowering, and beautiful. I became extremely interested in different body norms around the world and what is considered "beautiful" in different regions of the world. I learned that some countries prefer skinny, flat-chested, tall women while others may prefer more curvy, ethnic women. These are all factors that the industry takes into account when placing models internationally. I learned to love all body types and to not envy but praise every body type as well as appreciate my own. If one booker doesn't like me, I move on, If one loves me, great! I internalized nothing and observed everything.

Even though my view and perception changed, I began to feel myself falling back into the mindset of feeling unwanted. It was not until I got my first international offer that I felt this fire inside of me. I felt validated and that I actually had the capacity to succeed in this industry. It can be easy to start feeling like a needle in a haystack when it comes to this industry as you are exposed to a community of models who are succeeding. I learned to not let the success of others intimidate me, but to give their success credit. It's a beautiful thing that we are all different and I no longer need validation. In fact, I am happy if someone says no to me these days. No means that they don't want me, and if they don't want me, I don't want them either, and that is a beautiful thing.

I love modelling, I love taking pictures, I love collaborating with other passionate people, and I love observing!

I am happy here.

Stay tuned to see where this world takes me spiritually, professionally, and internationally…