I used to dread the constant measurements, the endless updates, and the countless images that seemed to define my worth in this industry. It often felt as if my progress was measured not by what I was capable of, but by how I looked. It was a suffocating reality at times, where every inch, every pound, and every detail of my appearance was scrutinized. The pressure to maintain a certain standard, to fit into a mould, was overwhelming.

As a young woman, the industry’s expectations added to the already complex experience of maturing. I was growing, changing, and learning who I was, yet it seemed the world around me wanted to freeze me in time, holding me to a standard that didn’t allow for the natural evolution of my body or my identity. Our skin changes, our bodies shift, and our sense of self grows as we age—and that’s the most natural, beautiful thing in the world.

But despite all of that, I wasn’t thinking about my mental health or my exhaustion. I wasn’t listening to my body begging me for rest or recovery. All I could focus on was how I looked.

I stood in front of the mirror in my hotel room, scrutinizing every inch of myself. My eyes zeroed in on my stomach, and I remember thinking, *Are my abs showing enough? Do I look “skinny enough”?* I didn’t care about how I felt on the inside—my only concern was how I would be perceived, especially after a week in London. I was so focused on appearing as if I hadn’t let myself go, as if I had somehow improved since the last time they saw me.

Milan can be an intense place for a model. The energy is vibrant, but it’s also intimidating. People don’t hold back; they are blunt, direct, and hyper-critical of your appearance. I knew walking into those castings that I would be evaluated—every inch of me assessed as if I was just a mannequin, not a person with emotions, exhaustion, and needs.

No young girl could ever feel great in that environment, not when you’re being picked apart for every perceived flaw. And don’t even get me started on the measuring tape. Every time it came out, my heart would race, and I would find myself holding my breath, sucking in my stomach as if that would somehow change the numbers. As if those numbers on a measuring tape could define who I was or whether I was good enough.

In that moment, I realized how warped my priorities had become. I was so focused on being seen as “perfect” or maintaining this impossible standard that I had completely neglected the most important part of myself—my mind, my internal world, my well-being. And while Milan’s industry can be relentless, this pressure wasn’t just coming from external forces—it was coming from within me. I had internalized all these expectations, all these criticisms, and let them dictate how I felt about myself.

I wish I had given myself more grace in that moment. Looking back, I can see how ridiculous it was to place so much value on whether my abs were showing after a long flight or whether I looked “better” than before. I was in desperate need of rest, of kindness, of a reminder that my worth wasn’t tied to how thin I appeared in someone else’s eyes.

The fashion industry, especially in places like Milan, has a way of magnifying those insecurities. It amplifies the pressure to constantly maintain or improve your appearance, to always be at your best physically, regardless of what’s happening internally. And for a young model, or even a more seasoned one, that pressure can be crushing.

But in that moment, all I could think about was whether I looked good enough.

Model digitals, also known as “polaroids,” are simple, unretouched photographs that modeling agencies and clients request from models to showcase their natural appearance. These photos typically capture a model in plain clothes or a bikini, with minimal makeup, neutral expressions, and basic lighting. The purpose of digitals is to give clients a clear, authentic view of the model’s features, body proportions, and how they look without the enhancements of professional styling, makeup, or post-production editing.

While digitals serve a practical purpose in helping agencies and clients assess how a model looks naturally, they also contribute to a culture of constant scrutiny and microanalyzing the body. Here's why:

Reinforcing Unrealistic Body Standards

Digitals, in their raw form, strip away any artistic or creative context and reduce a model’s value to their physical appearance. Since they emphasize body shape, size, and proportions, the focus often shifts entirely to how the model’s body looks at that specific moment. This puts pressure on models to maintain an “ideal” appearance, reinforcing the idea that their success hinges on the size of their waist, the length of their legs, or how “perfect” their body appears in unedited photos.

Frequent Updates and Pressure to Conform

Agencies often require updated digitals every few months, especially if a model’s body changes. Whether it’s a slight weight fluctuation, a change in muscle tone, or something as natural as bloating, models are expected to submit new photos regularly. This frequent microanalyzing of the body reinforces the notion that any slight change is significant and potentially detrimental to their career. This pressure to maintain a specific appearance can lead to unhealthy body image and contribute to body dysmorphia.

Body Dysmorphia and Obsession with "Perfection”

Because digitals highlight a model’s natural appearance in their most vulnerable state, they can lead to an unhealthy level of self-criticism. Models may become hyper-aware of every small detail of their body that doesn’t fit industry standards—whether that’s a perceived imperfection, a blemish, or a minor fluctuation in weight. The industry’s constant focus on these details can fuel body dysmorphia, a condition where individuals obsessively fixate on perceived flaws in their appearance, often distorting their view of their own body.

Comparison Culture

Digitals are often sent out alongside photos of other models for casting purposes. This fuels a sense of comparison, as models see their digitals next to others who may have different body types, sizes, or looks. The industry’s tendency to rank or evaluate models based solely on these images intensifies the feeling that their worth is entirely dependent on their appearance. This comparison can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy and increase the likelihood of developing an unhealthy relationship with one’s body.

Lack of Control Over the Narrative

Unlike editorial or campaign shoots, where models can express different facets of their personality or embody a concept, digitals strip away the model’s ability to control how they’re perceived. This can leave models feeling like they are reduced to their physical attributes alone, reinforcing the belief that their value is only skin-deep. When a model’s self-worth is tied to these images, it can create a distorted perception of their body and lead to dissatisfaction with their appearance, even if they meet industry standards.

The Result: Dysmorphia and Harmful Body Image

For many models, the repeated cycle of taking digitals, seeing their bodies under constant scrutiny, and receiving feedback based on these images leads to a heightened focus on body “imperfections.” When the industry continually reinforces the idea that a model’s body must remain in a certain “ideal” state, it becomes easy for models to fall into a trap of body dysmorphia—where they obsessively focus on small or imagined flaws and feel intense anxiety or distress over their appearance.

How Can We Address This?

There’s a need to challenge the way the industry views digitals. Moving away from a system that hyper-focuses on appearance and towards one that values diversity, individuality, and the unique qualities of each model’s look can be part of the solution. Agencies, casting directors, and brands can also take steps to reduce the frequency of digitals and emphasize health and well-being over rigid physical standards.

Models, too, can take back some control by fostering self-care practices that prioritize mental health, body positivity, and self-acceptance—championing the idea that beauty doesn’t come from fitting into a specific mould, but from owning who you are in all your unique facets.

MORE THAN A MEASUREMENT

Now, I find myself in a new chapter of my life—one where I have become more desensitized to the way the industry tries to impose those standards on young girls. The demands once felt suffocating, but now, they roll off my shoulders. I have come to a place where I can see through the expectations and appreciate the beauty of my own growth. I am in a season of honoring my evolution—physically, mentally, and emotionally.

I wish I could go back and tell my younger self that it’s okay to change. That aging, evolving, and embracing my femininity are things to celebrate, not fear. Society tends to portray ageing as something to be resisted, especially for women. But in reality, there is so much beauty in the process. It’s a stage of life where strength and wisdom take root.

The expectations that once felt like a weight are now opportunities for reflection. The girl I was—who once measured herself by external standards—has grown into a woman who defines her own worth. I no longer feel the need to apologize for the space I take up in the world, for the way my body shifts with time, or for the person I am becoming.

I’m learning to honor my growth, to love the skin I’m in, and to embrace each change as it comes. There’s a deep power in allowing yourself the freedom to evolve, and I hope every woman can come to that realization. Our bodies, our minds, our souls—they are all in a constant state of transformation. And that is the most beautiful thing of all.

As I stand in this new stage of life, I’m filled with gratitude for the opportunities that come with ageing, for the strength that I never knew I had, and for the woman I am becoming. Growth isn’t just about who we were or what we left behind, but about who we are now and what we are still capable of becoming.

To any young girl who is facing those same pressures I once felt, know this: your worth is not tied to your appearance. You are more than the numbers on a scale or the measurements on a chart. Your power lies in your ability to grow, to change, and to embrace every stage of your journey.

Aging and changing are not signs of weakness—they are marks of a life lived fully, and with that comes endless strength and opportunity.