What I learned About Myself Amidst a Pandemic (COVID-19)
POWER
Today, Winter Solstice, is powerful. Transformation is here. This is a a time for reflection, regeneration, awakening, depth, growth, renewal and death of the old & welcoming the possibilities where ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING is possible. I invite you to connect to your inner life, your daily practices, be transparent, be open, find your place. I want you to write down what you are leaving behind, whether that be in 2020, or in life… burn it in the fire, leave it to dust. I believe that we are all uniquely here to inspire, to persevere, to live a life beyond our wildest dreams. Here is what I learned in the last year and the lessons I will be taking with me throughout 2021 and life. As for now, I have never loved myself, my life, my goals, my dreams more. I wish the very same for you 🤍
Winter Solstice
//Winter solstice 2020 in Northern Hemisphere was at 2:02 a.m. on
Monday
, December 21
Why is Winter Solstice Important?
“The winter solstice was immensely important because the people were economically dependent on monitoring the progress of the seasons. Starvation was common during the first months of the winter, January to April (northern hemisphere) or July to October (southern hemisphere), also known as "the famine months".
The Moment Before Lockdown:
the 2020 COVID-19 Pandemic took over the entire world… You would have found me working away tirelessly at my last year of undergrad, preparing for my LSAT, anticipating my year off of travel, juggling sorority meetings and intern life, and moving 1000 MPH. I was moving so fast that I never stopped to think about myself, love myself, or even care for myself…
When my Dad came to pick me up from the Law office on Vancouver’s prestigious waterfront that I had been interning at, I thought he was crazy. Who was he to tell me that the world was shutting down? Who was he to take me back to my apartment and tell me that I had to pack up my things and move? I thought he was insane. There is no way that this flu/virus could be impacting my irrelevant life so much. I continued to spew with skepticism and anticipate my move back to University, my work, and well, my life. I am sure you know. That never happened.
Fast forward 10 months and here I am: at home, graduated, and alive. My life looks a lot different than what I had planned and this year could not have been any different from expectations. However, I learned more about myself in these 10 months than I ever have in my life,
So here it is: “What I learned About Myself Amidst a Pandemic (COVID-19)”
Well, first things first, I learned that I am an extrovert. Painfully an extrovert. I struggled for the first few months. I wallowed and let my thoughts consume me in emptiness. I felt alone, estranged, and not myself. This was because alone time was far too foreign to me. I never spent time alone for a prologued period. This was essentially my impending doom. I went so crazy, that I eventually started my own Youtube channel because, well, a YouTube Channel gave me someone to talk to… even if that someone was a camera.
I learned that I cared too much about what other people think. When I coincidentally contracted the painful pandemic that created this year, I truly saw the ways in which the way others think about me impacted my mental health and state. It eventually ate me alive until I realized life is too short to please others. Unless these people are my close friends or family, I could care less of what they think. Unless I am actively going out of my way to make them feel this way, I feel no guilt, I feel no pressure, and I have no mercy.
Ways to stop caring about what people think:
Creating a New Mindset
If you recognize that you are someone who's anxious about being liked, there are steps you can take to get back to a healthier relationship with others and with yourself.
1. Keep things in perspective.
It’s said that people would care a lot less about what others think about them if they knew how little others think about them. And it’s true: Everyone has enough to occupy their mind. They also have their own insecurities. If you're worried about how you come across to someone you’ve just met, keep in mind that they’re probably doing the same.
2. Question your thinking.
Humans tend toward cognitive distortions, patterns of negative thinking that can hurt our mood or behaviour. For example, we may assume the worst, or filter out the good in a situation and pay attention only to the bad. Or we may overgeneralize or jump to conclusions. Pay attention to your thoughts, and question them rather than allowing impressions to run away with you. You may discover that what you’re fretting over exists only in your mind.
3. Let go of perfection.
It can be hard to shake the feeling that if you just get things right, you will be loved and admired. But this is a fruitless pursuit, not only because perfection is an illusion, but because what people think about you has more to do with them than with you.
4. Get to know yourself.
What do you really like? What do you really want? Are you making choices about your career, relationships, and pastimes because you want them or because they’ll please or impress someone else? Allow yourself to try new things and wonder, “What would I pursue or enjoy if I wasn't so worried about being judged?”
5. Find your tribe.
Somewhere out there are people who can identify with you and appreciate you for who you are. Don’t waste time trying to hang on to those who expect you to conform to their wishes and wants. Cultivate authenticity, and you’ll find those you are meant to be with. As Brown writes in Daring Greatly, “Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.”
6. Allow yourself to be vulnerable.
It can be terrifying to go against the grain, speak out, take a risk, or face disapproval. But decide what matters to you, trust yourself, and go for it. We don’t grow by always playing it safe; we grow by allowing ourselves a chance to fail.
7. Accept a helping hand.
The anxiety you feel about what others think can sometimes be overcome with a little self-awareness. But in some cases, especially for those with underlying trauma or mental health issues, professional help can help you get to the root of your feelings. Allow yourself to reach out for the care you need rather than prolonging your suffering.
8. Be your own friend.
It’s a tough reality, but you will never be able to make everyone like you, no matter what you do. But look on the bright side: No one else can do it, either. So accept the twinges that will inevitably come when you realize you haven’t made a connection with someone, and focus instead on a goal that will take you further toward being the kind of person you want to be—learning to like yourself, flaws and all.
Empowered Women, Empower Women
Find your tribe.
Somewhere out there are people who can identify with you and appreciate you for who you are.
Don’t waste time trying to hang on to those who expect you to conform to their wishes and wants.
Cultivate authenticity, and you’ll find those you are meant to be with.
“Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.”
- Brown writes in Daring Greatly,
I learned that some situations should not have power over me. This is a huge lesson for me. We give away our power when we have something important that we want to tell someone, or when we want to express our feelings, but we feel that it's too risky to make ourselves “heard”. We lose our power when we believe well-meaning friends who tell us that we won't be able to “handle” a negative outcome. I found myself giving so much power to situations that I did not personally have the capacity to control. Whether it be the pandemic, arguments, or not being able to live out the final leg of my undergraduate degree… I did this so much that I eventually burned out. It was then that I realized: It all begins and ends in your mind. Your thoughts, your values and your beliefs shape your experience of the world. If you give power to a certain circumstance, that circumstance will have power over you and control your life. I want to control my life. Therefore, I have the POWER.
I learned that relationships are supposed to make your life easier. OOF. This is a loaded one. I am an extrovert. Which I am sure you all know by now. This also means that I have a crazy amount of relationships. Some good, some not so good. I realize this now but before 2020, I could not differentiate between positive and negative relationships. I did not know the difference between a relationship that served me and a relationship that depleted me. We all have those friends that would rather tone us down to keep us on their level than see us thrive. Or that friend that gets mad at you for “not telling them” instead of consoling you for the actual issue on hand… Well, I am telling you to politely cut that friend off. Instead, appreciate and grow the relationships stronger with the ones who are there for you as you are for them. The ones who empower you and want to see you thrive. As a woman, it is extremely important to become self aware in these relationships and ask how you can mutually and genuinely, benefit.
I learned that time is precious but not pressure. Ah yes, time. A sneak m****r f****r. I have this tendency to be Type A sometimes and plan out my life. Graduate, get my degree, go to law school, model for a year, travel, work, get married, have kids, and the list goes on. All of these goals and dreams somehow become a product of time for me. So much so that it actually instilled major anxiety inside me. When the pandemic hit, time became immense pressure. I saw my goals and dreams being pushed back, set aside, adjusted… all because my time was “wasted”. I WAS SO WRONG. Yes time is precious, and yes, you should use your time wisely. However, if you are spending those precious moments stressing about the very essence of time, are you not wasting your time anyways? Realistically, all of these things will happen. I will graduate(I did graduate), I will model. I will work. I will get married. I will have kids. I will love. I will dream. Time ain’t got nothing on me. Life is so situational, how unfair would it be for me to put a timer on my journey?
I learned that a relationship should complement you, not complete you. What does it mean when a couple complement each other? Put simply, a complementary relationship between two people is the unified growth between opposing characteristics and behaviours. And by relationship, I mean any relationship, a friend, a significant other, a parent, a coworker. This lesson further taught me that in order to let others complement me, I had to love myself. Now as cliche as this sounds. It is when you learn to be content in yourself that you will search for valuable assets in a relationship rather than needing them. When you need people, you start to dismiss their toxic traits or the way you act around them. When you simply find people to complement your life, you become more whole. Never look for fulfillment outside of yourself, everything you have is already within you🤍
I learned that people are inherently good. University, the world, and life taught me to be bitter about this world and lack faith. Amidst the craziness of 2020, I saw differently, I saw the ways in which people used their social media platforms to advocate for change. Instances such as Black Lives Matter, fighting for the rights of LGBTQ, caring for the environment, standing with the Punjab farmers… I saw beauty and unity in this world. I have learned that people mean well initially and not everyone executes it. As for the anti-maskers, racists, and bigots… I choose not to consider those people humans.
I learned to stop and look around.
“ Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”
I learned how important family really is.
I learned Self-love
I learned how to listen.
I learned how to advocate for what I believe in.
I learned that the little things DO matter.
I learned that I need to shoot my shot.
I learned that dreams are all I have.
I learned that I have so much more to learn.
The learning never stops. Life is one giant learning lesson. Whether it be a pandemic, a stage in life, a tiny bump in the road. It is how you persevere that shapes you. How you pivot, how you adjust, how you grow, and how you renew, that truly makes you.
Back to the pandemic… like others, I scrambled but did my best to adjust. Although I had a steep learning curve, I settled into working from home, thinking I could endure that for a month or two. But now this “temporary” hiatus turned into a more lengthy and indefinite duration, with a future that was more than uncertain. This is where my dreams came into work. My dreams keep me sane. My dreams keep me accountable. My dreams keep me alive.
Come 2021, I plan to re-enter a world that’s different from the one I left. It is one in which social expectations, accountability, and responsibility will be on the rise. A still threatening pandemic, proceeding racial injustice and fear of recession. All this amid reports about our diminishing trust in our health care system, institutions and each other. I'm living in a more uncertain and fragile world. However, I have learned more than ever.
The world has changed, but I have too.
At first, I must confess, my lessons may have been as simple as learning that I can go days without changing my shirt or putting on makeup. These lessons did accumulate over time. My lessons shifted from being unmotivated to being alone to being empowered. Uncertainty no longer scared me but ignited me.
I am excited for this new world. A now hopefully more enlightened world. A world where being alone is not only beautiful but appreciated just as much as being together. A world where I will never take anything for granted ever again.
Each person, different, each with their own lives, histories, and struggles, each with different dreams and futures. The differences we share in gender, class, race, proximity, and location go beyond my reach. With the interdependence of the world, this is more evident than ever. However so much of our future depends on our ability to be socially responsible and take charge of the beauty that is the rest of our lives.
