How Do I Stop Being Stressed About My Future? Dealing with anticipatory anxiety
Anticipatory anxiety is where a person experiences increased levels of anxiety by thinking about an event or situation in the future. Rather than being a specific disorder in its own right, anticipatory anxiety is a symptom commonly found in a number of anxiety related conditions, such as generalised anxiety.
In today’s society, we have been taught to have a plan, an idea for the future, and to have a firm grasp on what success is for us.
Why Do We Worry About the Future? Stress is a natural response to uncertainty. When we're in a new situation or facing confusing circumstances, it's normal to feel worried about what the future may hold. These feelings help us anticipate what may come and may even motivate us. However, it can become unhealthy when the anxiety catches up to you.
When does it start?
Thinking back, I think my first signs of anticipatory anxiety started when I was playing basketball in high school. I worried about what would happen if I did not make the team, how I would feel, and what I would do next… I feared failure. This feeling proceeded into other stages of my life whether it be applying for universities, finding a job, graduating, becoming a model, applying to modelling agencies, and life after graduation in general. All of these stages accompanied a fear of failure. Now not everyone experiences this fear to the same extent but I have had multiple conversations with individuals who have very strong dreams and goals that almost always conclude with a fear of failure. So, how do we deal with it?
What is fear of failure?
Have you ever been so afraid of failing at something that you decided not to try at all? Or has fear of failure meant that, subconsciously, you undermined your own efforts to avoid the possibility of a larger failure? I was afraid of my real dreams for a long time. My dreams of becoming an international model and advocate for Indian girls around the world. It is when I read the book “The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment” By Ekhart Tolle that I realized my fear of failure may be hindering my ultimate potential.
The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment is a book by Eckhart Tolle. It presents itself as a discussion about how people interact with themselves and others. The concept of self reflection and presence in the moment are presented along with simple exercises for the achievement of its principles.
“To make the journey into The Power of Now we will need to leave our analytical mind and its false created self, the ego, behind. From the beginning of the first chapter we move rapidly into a significantly higher altitude where one breathes a lighter air, the air of the spiritual. Although the journey is challenging, Eckhart Tolle offers simple language and a question and answer format to guide us. The words themselves are the signposts. For many of us there are new discoveries to be made along the way: we are not our mind; we can find our way out of psychological pain; authentic human power is found by surrendering to the Now.”
I decided to surrender to the “NOW” by finding my passions and goals and focusing on them in the present. I did not worry about the future but rather the moment I was in. Failing can trigger feelings worthlessness, so avoiding trying in the first place can sometimes serve as a way to protect the self from disappointment, regret, and sadness.
“Fear seems to have many causes. Fear of loss, fear of failure, fear of being hurt, and so on, but ultimately all fear is the ego’s fear of death, of annihilation. To the ego, death is always just around the corner. In this mind-identified state, fear of death affects every aspect of your life. For example, even such a seemingly trivial and “normal” thing as the compulsive need to be right in an argument and make the other person wrong — defending the mental position with which you have identified — is due to the fear of death. If you identify with a mental position, then if you are wrong, your mind-based sense of self is seriously threatened with annihilation. So you as the ego cannot afford to be wrong. To be wrong is to die. Wars have been fought over this, and countless relationships have broken down. Once you have disidentified from your mind, whether you are right or wrong makes no difference to your sense of self at all, so the forcefully compulsive and deeply unconscious need to be right, which is a form of violence, will no longer be there. You can state clearly and firmly how you feel or what you think, but there will be no aggressiveness or defensiveness about it. Your sense of self is then derived from a deeper and truer place within yourself, not from the mind. Watch out for any kind of defensiveness within yourself. What are you defending? An illusory identity, an image in your mind, a fictitious entity. By making this pattern conscious, by witnessing it, you disidentify from it. In the light of your consciousness, the unconscious pattern will then quickly dissolve. This is the end of all arguments and power games, which are so corrosive to relationships. Power over others is weakness disguised as strength.”
Fear of failure. Having so much to prove that you lose sense of self… Many of us have probably experienced this at one time or another. The fear of failing can be immobilizing – it can cause us to do nothing, and therefore resist moving forward. But when we allow fear to stop our forward progress in life, we're likely to miss some great opportunities along the way.
When I began to examine fear of failure: what it means, what causes it, and how to overcome it to enjoy true success in work, and in life… I began to realize that those who become truly successful are those who have no fear. Those who follow their fire relentlessly and never give up.
I let go of fear. I am relentless.
You might experience some or all of the following symptoms if you have a fear of failure:
A reluctance to try new things or to get involved in challenging projects.
Self-sabotage – for example, procrastination, excessive anxiety , or a failure to follow through with goals.
Low self-esteem or self-confidence – commonly using negative statements such as "I'll never be good enough to get that promotion," or "I'm not smart enough to get on that team."
Perfectionism – A willingness to try only those things that you know you'll finish perfectly and successfully.
What Is The Definition of Failure?
It's almost impossible to go through life without experiencing some kind of failure. People who do so probably live so cautiously that they go nowhere. Put simply, they're not really living at all.
But, the wonderful thing about failure is that it's entirely up to us to decide how to look at it. We can choose to see failure as "the end of the world," or as proof of just how inadequate we are. Or, we can look at failure as the incredible learning experience that it often is.
Every time we fail at something, we can choose to look for the lesson we're meant to learn. These lessons are very important; they're how we grow, and how we keep from making that same mistake again. Failures stop us only if we let them.
It's easy to find successful people who have experienced failure. For example:
Michael Jordan is widely considered to be one of the greatest basketball players of all time. And yet, he was cut from his high school basketball team because his coach didn't think he had enough skill.
Warren Buffet, one of the world's richest and most successful businessmen, was rejected by Harvard University.
Richard Branson, owner of the Virgin empire, is a high-school dropout.
Most of us will stumble and fall in life. Doors will get slammed in our faces, and we might make some bad decisions. But imagine if Michael Jordan had given up on his dream to play basketball when he was cut from that team. Imagine if Richard Branson had listened to the people who told him he'd never do anything worthwhile without a high-school diploma.
Think of the opportunities you'll miss if you let your failures stop you. Failure can also teach us things about ourselves that we would never have learned otherwise. For instance, failure can help you discover how strong a person you are.
Failing at something can help you discover your truest friends, or help you find unexpected motivation to succeed. Often, valuable insights come only after a failure. Accepting and learning from those insights is key to succeeding in life..
How to Stop Living in Fear
If you are afraid of failure, you might be uncomfortable setting goals . But goals help us define where we want to go in life. Without goals, we have no sure destination.
Many experts recommend visualization as a powerful tool for goal setting. Imagining how life will be after you've reached your goal is a great motivator to keep you moving forward.
However, visualization might produce the opposite results in people who have a fear of failure. Research shows that people who have a fear of failure were often left in a strong negative mood after being asked to visualize goals and goal attainment.
So, what can you do instead?
Start by setting a few small goals . These should be goals that are slightly, but not overwhelmingly, challenging. Think of these goals as "early wins" that are designed to help boost your confidence.
For example, if you've been too afraid to talk to the new department head (who has the power to give you the promotion you want), then make that your first goal. Plan to stop by her office during the next week to introduce yourself.
Or, imagine that you've dreamed of returning to school to get your MBA, but you're convinced that you're not smart enough to be accepted into business school. Set a goal to talk with a school counselor or admissions officer to see what's required for admission.
Try to make your goals tiny steps on the route to much bigger goals. Don't focus on the end picture: getting the promotion, or graduating with an MBA. Just focus on the next step: introducing yourself to the department head, and talking to an admissions officer. That's it.
Taking one small step at a time will help build your confidence, keep you moving forward, and prevent you from getting overwhelmed with visions of your final goal.
Many of us are sometimes afraid of failing, but we mustn't let that fear stop us from moving forward.
Fear of failure can have several causes: from childhood events to mistakes we've made in our adult lives. It's important to realize that we always have a choice: we can choose to be afraid, or we can choose not to be.
Start by setting small goals that will help build your confidence. Learn how to explore and evaluate all possible outcomes rationally and develop contingency plans; and practice thinking positively. By moving forward slowly but steadily, you'll begin to overcome your fear.
"Don't let the fear of striking out hold you back."
Be relentless.
